🚨 **WHAT IN THE ACTUAL PEE-HELL IS GOING ON IN MINNESOTA?!** 🤢 Apparently, 25 years of teaching chemistry wasn't enough for one Minnesota professor. He allegedly decided to conduct his own extracurricular experiments involving URINE, students' belongings, water bottles, and trash cans. And no, I'm not making this up. **Paul Jerome Fischer, 56**, a former chemistry professor at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota, was charged October 7, 2026, with felony first-degree damage to property after investigators uncovered a series of absolutely disgusting incidents inside the college's Olin-Rice Science Center. And this wasn't allegedly a one-time accident. On December 5, 2025, a female student was studying in a common area just outside Fischer's office. She stepped away for approximately SIX MINUTES, leaving her backpack unattended. When she returned, she discovered URINE on her backpack and personal belongings. She suspected Fischer because, according to her account, he was the only person nearby. The damage to her belongings? Approximately **$2,070**. But investigators soon discovered something even more disturbing. Campus security had received SIX previous reports between November 2024 and December 2025 involving urine mysteriously appearing in places where urine has absolutely NO BUSINESS BEING. We're talking: 💧 Trash cans. 💧 Other people's WATER BOTTLES. 💧 Decorations belonging to fellow professors. 💧 Personal belongings inside the science building. **WATER BOTTLES, PEOPLE. THE THINGS PEOPLE DRINK FROM.** 🤮 And here's where this story goes completely off the rails. According to the criminal complaint, Fischer allegedly ADMITTED to investigators that he'd developed a habit of urinating into cups over the previous year and a half to two years. He reportedly told police he would then dump the urine into trash cans or laboratory sinks throughout campus. As for the student's backpack? He claimed he had ACCIDENTALLY spilled urine onto her belongings while trying to empty a cup into a nearby trash can. Oh, well, THAT certainly clears everything up. 🙄 Because apparently, walking to an actual restroom was just too much to ask of a man with a quarter-century career in higher education. Macalester College launched an internal investigation, and Fischer subsequently resigned. In February, another professor informed students that Fischer was no longer employed by the college and was prohibited from returning to campus. Now he's facing a felony charge carrying a possible FIVE YEARS in prison and a maximum $10,000 fine. His first court appearance is scheduled for November 4, 2026. Authorities have NOT established why he allegedly engaged in this behavior, whether certain individuals were deliberately targeted, or whether anyone actually drank from a contaminated water bottle. I have ONE question. **HOW DOES A MAN TEACH CHEMISTRY FOR MORE THAN 25 YEARS AND ALLEGEDLY TURN AN ENTIRE SCIENCE BUILDING INTO HIS PERSONAL URINAL?!** These students paid tuition for a college education, not to participate in some deranged professor's bathroom experiment. I've heard of professors being full of crap. Apparently, this one allegedly had a different problem.
— 🎹 Ames™ 🎹 (@AmesStraight) October 13, 2026
Apparently, 25 years of teaching chemistry wasn't enough for one Minnesota professor. He allegedly decided to conduct his own extracurricular experiments involving URINE, students' belongings, water bottles, and trash cans.
And no, I'm not making this up.
**Paul Jerome Fischer, 56**, a former chemistry professor at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota, was charged October 7, 2026, with felony first-degree damage to property after investigators uncovered a series of absolutely disgusting incidents inside the college's Olin-Rice Science Center.
And this wasn't allegedly a one-time accident.
On December 5, 2025, a female student was studying in a common area just outside Fischer's office. She stepped away for approximately SIX MINUTES, leaving her backpack unattended.
When she returned, she discovered URINE on her backpack and personal belongings.
She suspected Fischer because, according to her account, he was the only person nearby.
The damage to her belongings? Approximately **$2,070**.
But investigators soon discovered something even more disturbing.
Campus security had received SIX previous reports between November 2024 and December 2025 involving urine mysteriously appearing in places where urine has absolutely NO BUSINESS BEING.
We're talking:
💧 Trash cans.
💧 Other people's WATER BOTTLES.
💧 Decorations belonging to fellow professors.
💧 Personal belongings inside the science building.
**WATER BOTTLES, PEOPLE. THE THINGS PEOPLE DRINK FROM.** 🤮
And here's where this story goes completely off the rails.
According to the criminal complaint, Fischer allegedly ADMITTED to investigators that he'd developed a habit of urinating into cups over the previous year and a half to two years.
He reportedly told police he would then dump the urine into trash cans or laboratory sinks throughout campus.
As for the student's backpack?
He claimed he had ACCIDENTALLY spilled urine onto her belongings while trying to empty a cup into a nearby trash can.
Oh, well, THAT certainly clears everything up. 🙄
Because apparently, walking to an actual restroom was just too much to ask of a man with a quarter-century career in higher education.
Macalester College launched an internal investigation, and Fischer subsequently resigned.
In February, another professor informed students that Fischer was no longer employed by the college and was prohibited from returning to campus.
Now he's facing a felony charge carrying a possible FIVE YEARS in prison and a maximum $10,000 fine.
His first court appearance is scheduled for November 4, 2026.
Authorities have NOT established why he allegedly engaged in this behavior, whether certain individuals were deliberately targeted, or whether anyone actually drank from a contaminated water bottle.
I have ONE question.
**HOW DOES A MAN TEACH CHEMISTRY FOR MORE THAN 25 YEARS AND ALLEGEDLY TURN AN ENTIRE SCIENCE BUILDING INTO HIS PERSONAL URINAL?!**
These students paid tuition for a college education, not to participate in some deranged professor's bathroom experiment.
I've heard of professors being full of crap.
Apparently, this one allegedly had a different problem.
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