We were all pretty annoyed over the past week over the fact that the massive outlay we gave for small businesses to receive loans to stay afloat were gobbled up by Harvard whilst your barbershop was left dealing with a loan application apparently built upon the backbone of the code used on those guestb00ks Geocities used to use.
Saved? Whoa, whoa, whoa, sailor — are we talking in the Christian sense? Because, you know, there are rules surrounding that.
But as for smoking and drinking and intercourse: Yeah, your money’s good for that, see, thanks to the new, government-guided capitalism of the coronavirus era.
If you don’t believe me, here’s the evidence.
Brothels?
“A brothel owner in Wells, Nevada, has been awarded a federal emergency loan to keep her brothel alive during the mandated shutdown of nonessential businesses to prevent the spread of the novel coronavirus. But contributor Brian Bahouth of The Sierra Nevada Ally says that funding is not currently available,” KUNR reported.
“Of any legal business service in Nevada, sex work may pose the most flagrant possible violation of safe social distancing guidelines of any occupation. Since Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak closed nonessential businesses, a handful of sex workers are sheltering in place at Bella’s Hacienda Ranch in Wells,” the Reno, Nevada, NPR outlet stated.
“The business is shuttered, and owner and namesake Bella Cummins is allowing the women to stay for free. Earlier this week, Cummins went to her bank, Nevada State Bank, to apply for an emergency loan from the Small Business Administration to help her business weather the COVID-19 state of emergency.”
Oh, well, thank God. Well, actually not that entity. It seems a bit, um, more apropos to thank the one below for this? Can we just thank his secretary for this? Just leave a message? Phew, because otherwise that just seems icky.
But what about the sticky icky?
“Reps. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) and Ed Perlmutter (D-Colo.) have introduced a bill to make legal cannabis businesses eligible for federal coronavirus relief aid meant for small businesses,” The Hill reported.
“The legislation would grant the businesses eligibility for the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP), Economic Injury Disaster Loans and other aid. A $483 billion interim coronavirus aid package, which will replenish the small-business lending program, is set to pass the House on Thursday, but it excludes marijuana companies from receiving aid. “
Replies