There’s room for you, too. Researchers have discovered a place that checks nearly every box on the progressive vision of a perfect society. And the good news is—there’s still space available.
The government will pay you to live there.
Here’s what’s included:
- Free housing
- Three meals a day
- Free healthcare
- Free dental care
- Free utilities (water, sewage, heating, and air conditioning)
- Free exercise and fitness programs
- Free sex (optional, with occasional bed partners)
- Guaranteed income (lifetime support for qualified individuals)
- No guns
- Free personalized clothing and shoes
- Free education and job training
- Free library access
- Free computer access (with limited internet)
- Free detox and mental health services
- No taxes
- Personal expression through skin artwork
- Full integration—no more White or Black neighborhoods
- No “White privilege”
- Working for a living is outlawed
- Government-funded education available
- Retirees welcome. No maximum age limit!
Want in? It’s the full government benefits package many progressives have dreamed of.
There’s just one catch: It’s called prison.
Everything is covered by the government—completely free. All you have to do is give up your freedom, and they’ll make room for you.
One final requirement: You have to be a criminal to qualify.
ps. Freedom is never free.
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