Speak in anger and you will deliver the greatest speech you will ever live to REGRET! Winston Churchill

The airwaves today are filled with pundits and experts who constantly badger, butcher or blow up anyone who might disagree with their point of view. While this might be entertaining talk radio or night time television, it has produced a horrible precedent for dealing with people in general.

Many have come to believe that silence is weakness, that calmness is cowardly and that you must engage in a tit-for-tat exchange of point and counterpoint, claim and counterclaim to compete and survive in any relationship. If an unwanted fire has broken out the last thing you want to do is throw gasoline on it. Yet many seemingly cannot resist the urge to throw their last bit of fuel on the fire then spar, thrust and parry back and forth long after the source of problem has been left behind.

Often it is the preservation of ego which keeps us engaged in verbal combat, somehow believing that having the last word will win the day. Learning to check your ego at the door and determine what truly matters most is key, not only to success, but to happiness and peace of mind. Whether speaking to someone live or going back and forth in email, you must ask yourself if the messages you are about to speak or send are going to move the conversation, and more importantly, the relationship, forward or whether they will simply fuel more anger and angst. Winning a verbal battle at the expense of a relationship war is never wise.

General Robert E. Lee was once asked his view of a man he had had many disagreements with. Lee responded that the man was a good, just man, who he happened to disagree with greatly. The questioner then stated that the man in question did not hold such a respectful view of the General and often expressed that negative opinion to others. To which General Lee replied, “You asked me my opinion of him, not my view of his view of me. My view is the only one over which I have control.” The way you communicate with those you disagree with speaks volumes about who you are as a person. Petty, personal attacks never produce positive results and often keep us a safe distance from real solutions.

Be ware of your emotions and your ego, especially in the highly volatile arena of interpersonal communication. Silence can be strength, a kind word can carry a conversation, stepping away can be the best step forward. Words have weight and their impact is immense – so choose them wisely, use them with caution and whenever in doubt – don’t!

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The Past in Light of the Present

When we look back at the past, knowing what we know now, we often find it difficult to understand how we made the mistakes we made. This is because once we learn new information, it is nearly impossible to reenter the headspace we were in before we learned that information. And so we look back at parents who spanked their kids, for example, and wonder how they could have thought that was a good idea. Similarly, our personal pasts are full of mistakes we can’t believe we made. We did things then that we would never do now, and this is precisely because we have information now that we didn’t have, or weren’t able to access, then.

From ideas about how to raise children to how to treat the environment, our collective human past sometimes reads like a document on what not to do. In many ways, this is exactly as it should be. We learn from living and having experiences. It is from these past actions that we garnered the information that guides us to live differently now. Just so, in our personal lives, we probably had to have a few unsuccessful relationships or jobs, learning about our negative tendencies through them, in order to gain the wisdom we have now.

In order to live more peacefully with the past, it helps to remember that once we know better, we tend to do better. Prior to knowing, we generally do our best, and while it’s true that from the perspective of the present, our best doesn’t always seem good enough, we can at least give our past selves the benefit of the doubt. We did our best with what knowledge we had. Beyond this, we serve the greater good most effectively by not dwelling on the past, instead reigning our energy and knowledge into our present actions. It is here, in this moment, that we create our reality and ourselves anew, with our current knowledge and information.DOM

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From the moment we are born, our souls may feel heavy because they are carrying the weight of all we have lived, loved, and learned in our past incarnations. It is only when we actively seek to work through our issues that we can lighten the load and our souls can evolve. Divesting ourselves of what no longer serves us, such as unwarranted fear, the inability to feel empathy, or self-limiting behaviors, are just some of the many challenges we may face in this lifetime. While some issues we face are easier to deal with because they are the final remains of residue from a past life, other issues offer greater challenges because we are meant to work through them throughout this lifetime.

Often, we expect ourselves to recover quickly from difficult or painful circumstances. When we do not or cannot, we may feel emotionally inept or hopeless. The evolution of the soul, however, is an ongoing process that can take many lifetimes. It is a matter of accepting that even when we do our best there are going to be situations, people, and outcomes in this lifetime or the next one. The more you release in each time,the more you grow and the more your soul will evolve.
Although it is not always possible to work through all of our issues in a single lifetime, it is important that we confront what we are called to face in this life and do the work we need to do. It is also important to remember that the most effective way to let your soul grow is to be will do this work for you.DOM

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