ACTION

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Ready or not, Earth Day is here again.

As usual, April 22 will be sequestered by the mainstream media and progressive knuckleheads and exploited to advance liberal heresy on  illegal immigration, higher taxes, income inequality, gay marriage and other issues that have absolutely nothing to do with dirt.

Its all a fantastic lark foisted by Marxist morons in government and the mainstream media, conjoined as they are in a conspiracy to disassemble and destroy capitalism and all quaint, old school notions of individual liberty and decency.

Thus, Earth Day will be devoted to the programmed  exploitation (or advanced exploitation) of weak-minded progressive dolts who will be taught to hate coal, oil, gas, and all other forms of energy, except wind and solar.

In rebuttal, several activities are highly recommended for those who like to piss off dim wits like Al Gore. 

Among the most favored are:

( ) Accumulate at least 30 old, oversized truck tires and set the mass ablaze. Rekindle often, so as to keep a solid pillar of black smoke ripping through the sky for at least two days;

( )Locate at least 7 vehicles that have failed recent Smog emission tests and are emitting oil smoke in noxious clouds. Start each vehicle and leave running for a minimum of four hours;

( )Even though it may be a balmy 80 degrees in your yard, fire up the inside fireplace and keep it going for the entire day. Rekindle with oil-soaked rags every hour or so;

( )Sponsor and attend as many backyard BBQs as possible;

( )Collect as many copies of Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” and toss said copies on the tire fire previously mentioned.

If all goes well, this April 22nd could be a “Screw the Air” day to remember forever!

Happy Earth Day?  Not a chance!