Vote for the homeless guy! Is this the future of the Democrat Party? The Democrats are plumb out of candidates and are scraping the sidewalks for someone with a pulse and ready to run, once sober!
Democrat Party appears to be auditioning for a reality show called Survivor: Ballot Edition. With midterms behind us and the 2026 cycle looming like a storm cloud over a leaky tent, Dems are digging deeper than ever into the political compost heap. The result? A lineup of candidates so riddled with red flags, one can't help but wonder: What's next, recruiting from the local homeless shelter? At this rate, the party's slogan might soon be
"From the Streets to the Suites—No Background Check Required." Another option is, "The White House Is Better Than No House." However, from con man to congressman, there doesn’t seem to be much of a difference.
Let's start in the Old Dominion, where Virginia Democrats are serving up a masterclass in how not to pick your top cop. Enter Jay Jones, the party's pick for Attorney General, who's channeling his inner mobster via text messages that could make a Sopranos scriptwriter blush.
Back in 2022, Jones reportedly fired off a barrage of vitriol to a colleague, fantasizing about "two bullets" in the skull of Republican House Speaker Todd Gilbert. Not content with mere homicide hypotheticals, he labeled Gilbert a "POS" whose grave deserved a urinary tribute, accused the family of raising "little fascists," and wished one of Gilbert's toddlers a tragic end in Mommy's arms.
Charming stuff from the guy who wants to enforce the rule of law. If Jones wins, Virginia's courtrooms might come with complimentary brass knuckles, or at least a waiver for "passion of the moment" pleas.
It's not just Southern flair gone wrong; up in the Garden State, New Jersey's Democratic hopeful for governor, Rep. Mikie Sherrill, is dodging questions like they're incoming missiles, which, ironically, fits her backstory as a Navy helicopter pilot.
Sherrill's rap sheet from her Naval Academy days includes a cheating scandal on an engineering exam that reportedly sidelined her from the graduation pomp-and-circumstance march. Honorable service followed, sure, but transparency? Not so much. She's stonewalling the release of her disciplinary records, leaving voters to speculate if it was a minor oopsie or a full-blown crib sheet caper.
Democrat dumpster fire alert!
Graham Platner, a Marine vet with the Bernie Sanders seal of approval, is gunning for Sen. Susan Collins' seat in 2026, armed with a resume that reads like a Reddit roast gone rogue. The Washington Post unearthed a 2020 trove of his online musings, where he branded rural Mainers as "actually" racist and dim-witted. (Pro tip for aspiring senators: Insulting half your electorate's IQ isn't a winning icebreaker.) But wait, there's more! Platner once self-identified as a "Communist" on the very same platform, a label even the edgiest Big Apple radicals like Zohran Mamdani swat away like a pesky fly.
The real head-scratcher, though? Platner's ink: a Totenkopf tattoo, that's the Nazi "Death's Head" skull-and-bones emblem etched on his chest during a Croatian jaunt with Marine buddies. His defense? A wide-eyed "I had no idea" routine, despite casually name-dropping it to a D.C. pal a decade ago as his "Totenkopf." (Because nothing says "history buff" like adopting SS regalia on a whim.)
These aren't isolated fumbles; they're symptoms of a deeper Democrat malaise. The party's bench is thinner than a vegan's steak, depleted by years of infighting, ideological purges, and a talent pool that's either burned out from the Biden-Harris era or bolted for saner shores.
Today's Dems? They're winging it with wingnuts, betting that voters' Trump Derangement Syndrome will blind them to the baggage train.
Democrat recruiters hitting the subways, soup kitchens, sidewalks, Honkytonks, circus tents, retired sex workers, and sanatorium reform patients. Can you hear it: "Hey, you with the sign—ever thought about Congress? No priors? Perfect!"
Final Word: The sad part is the scum of the earth just might do a better job than the enlightened progressives!
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