Untold volumes of dead people vote in every election, but now they have the gall to eat our lunch and hand us the bill! While this may sound funny, it is more accurate than you know!
In a nation where conspiracy theories about zombie apocalypses once seemed like fringe fiction, America is now grappling with a far more bureaucratic horror: the dead are not just rising to cast ballots in questionable elections, they're lining up at the grocery checkout with your money.
According to explosive revelations from U.S. Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins, a staggering 186,000 deceased individuals are still cashing in on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), better known as food stamps.
Rollins dropped this bombshell during a fiery appearance on Newsmax's "Rob Schmitt Tonight," painting a picture of a welfare system so porous it's practically a sieve for the spectral set. Drawing from freshly crunched data across 29 states, predominantly Republican strongholds, the secretary laid bare the rot at the heart of SNAP. "186,000 deceased men, women, and children in this country are receiving a check," she declared, her voice a mix of incredulity and resolve. "Now, that is what we're really going to start clamping down on."
But the hauntings don't stop at the graveyard shift. Rollins unearthed even more spine-chilling stats: half a million living (or at least breathing) recipients are double-dipping, pocketing duplicate payments like fat boys at a buffet. And in a plot twist straight out of a bad heist movie, one crafty soul, using a single Social Security number, managed to score six separate EBT cards across six different states. It's the kind of multi-state meal plan that would make a gourmet road trip jealous.
"This is just data from those 29 mostly red states," Rollins cautioned, her eyes narrowing like a detective eyeing a cold case file. "Can you imagine when we get our hands on the blue state data? What are we going to find?" The implication hung in the air like the smell of overcooked chili: if conservative-leaning territories are this infested, urban enclaves could be a full-blown feast for fraudsters.
SNAP, which serves over 40 million Americans annually, has ballooned into a $120 billion behemoth under previous administrations, often criticized for lax oversight. Rollins envisions a "fundamental rebuild," forcing every beneficiary to reapply and prove their vulnerability. "Make sure that everyone who's taking a taxpayer-funded benefit through SNAP... is literally vulnerable, and they can't survive without it," she insisted. No more free rides for the fabulously fraudulent.
For years, whispers of dead voters rigging elections have fueled partisan bonfires, from Florida's 2000 hanging chads to more recent tallies in swing states. Now, with SNAP's spectral shoppers joining the fray, the line between electoral mischief and everyday grift has blurred into a taxpayer nightmare.
Rollins explained. "But we do now. The president has made this a priority. We will fix this program."
Early victories are already stacking up like indictments at a mob trial. The Department of Agriculture has slapped cuffs on about 120 SNAP scammers so far, with Rollins warning it's "just the very tip of the iceberg." From fake IDs to phantom families, the arrests reveal a web of abuse that's as old as the program itself, SNAP dates back to the Great Depression but is newly illuminated by modern data-crunching tools.
Critics, of course, cry foul, arguing that aggressive purges could ensnare legitimate low-income families in red tape. However, Rollins dismisses the concerns, stating that the issue isn't about reducing the safety net, but rather about addressing the gaps to ensure the truly hungry don't fall through.
Final Word: Dead people voting, getting SNAP EBT cards, drawing Social Security, free Medicare—what’s next, becoming president? …..maybe this is why they needed the autopen!!??
Replies