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The California race is getting more interesting by the minute. Many voting citizens have a difficult choice to make either watch paint dry or listen to more Kamala Harris word salads.

In the latest episode of California’s long-running political soap opera, a new poll finds former Vice President Kamala Harris comfortably beating…absolutely nobody in particular. Yes, you read that correctly; Harris is trouncing a hypothetical unnamed Republican in the imaginary 2026 governor’s race.

According to the University of California, Irvine, apparently with nothing better to do, 41% of Californians declared they’d rather see Harris back in office than take their chances with a mystery Republican candidate. That’s right, a real, living person who’s held the second-highest office in the land is more popular than a theoretical alternative. This is what political excitement looks like in 2025.

Meanwhile, only 29% said they’d roll the dice on Generic GOP Option #4. Another 16% responded with an enthusiastic “I don’t know,” while 14% bravely admitted they wouldn’t vote at all, presumably because they’re still hung over from the last decade of elections, while over 81% of the dead voters said they already case their vote for Kamala.

But don’t let those numbers fool you into thinking Harris is riding a tidal wave of euphoria. “There was more enthusiasm at first,” sighed Mather Martin, a San Francisco-based fundraiser who once proudly carried the Harris torch. “I think it waned a bit.” Translation: They blew the budget on balloons too soon.

When asked about her run for governor, Kamala Harris went on the record with an epic response: “If I run, I will run because running means I have run. This can only happen if I run, so let the future clearly show running is running!” The Democrat audience was startled by her crisp and deep response to probably the most important question in the room, confusing most donors.

Another donor, whose patience apparently expired sometime during the Biden presidency, was less diplomatic. “Kamala just reminds you we’re in this complete s**t storm,” the donor told Politico, likely while sipping a $28 cocktail in a Silicon Valley bunker. “I’ve written so many checks because I knew the Trump administration would be horrible, but now we’re living in a nightmare because of the Democrats. I’m furious at them, truly.” And somewhere in the distance, a Republican strategist cackled into their iced tea.

Pollsters conducted their research over two thrilling weeks in late May and early June, ringing up thousands of Californians who definitely did not hang up immediately. The first poll surveyed 2,143 adults, who may or may not have been binge-watching reality TV at the time, and it has a margin of error of +/-97.9%. The second poll, covering 2,000 equally ambivalent souls, carries a margin of error of +/-98.6%.

So to recap: Kamala Harris is leading an imaginary opponent in a contest she hasn’t announced, in an election nobody is excited about, and donors are mad because politics is a flaming bag of disappointment on everyone’s porch. But hey, at least we have polling data to prove it.

Final Word: Think Kamala Harris’s run for governor is a joke? Wait till she wins!