About a year ago there was a news story about how the iguanas were dropping out of the trees in Florida, and so Jake jotted out this quick, sick and twisted humor piece. Maybe you will still get a laugh out of it ... maybe NOT!
When Global Warming Fails - Lizards Die: Those on the left say they care … but do they really? Their efforts have paid off and now the earth is cooling. As the earth cools temperatures get too cool for the iguanas and they become paralyzed and fall. But who cares for the Iguanas? End the Hate!
Cruelly, without recourse or warning ,these peaceful iguanas get cold and are falling from trees, limbs, plants, sides of houses and everywhere imaginable because of evil Americans and their efforts to end global warming. These iguanas are not native to the U.S.
They are undocumented iguanas, which means, they know the bitter sting of leaving their homeland, often in the dead of night, with nothing more than the scales on their back. And for what? So tourists will have a pet to show off at home?
But when they become too big or start doing iguana stuff ... all they hear is the cruel rushing of water as they are flushed down the toilet, or the rushing of air as they are chucked over the back fence.
It's time to stop the madness! As a nation we can do better ... we must do better. We must end the horror of these poor, forgotten and falling iguanas. It is time to ...
End the Hate!
All creatures deserve the right of decent medical care. So it's time. Today I am asking congress to provide $800 million dollars to save the iguana and increase global warming so that these poor iguanas may live.
Using undocumented workers in the south Florida area and local volunteers, I believe we can build nets to break the fall of these kidnapped and abused creatures.
Further, by utilizing thousands of local agencies, volunteers, and more undocumented workers, along with unemployed hookers (who can't find johns because of the cold), we can build thousands of little hammocks for the iguanas so when they awaken, they will know the comfort that our medical system should provide for all Americans ... even undocumented iguanas.
Don't be a hater - help us end the madness of falling iguanas - and - if you see someone actually tipping an iguana off his perch, please report that person to the nearest ASPCA office.
Iguana terror can be stopped ... but only if we end the hate.
To Donate
CALL: 1 (800) UGLY LIZARD
This message is brought to you by the ATSIB - Americans to Stop Iguana Abuse.
P.S. - This is NOT meant to be taken seriously, we checked 800-ugly-lizard and the number is a working number. Please do not call this number. These poor folks actually got calls the last time we sent out this nonsense.
