ACTION

Disability doesn't have to be debilitating.   Disability only means finding a different approach or way around life's curves.   One must find a way to get to the end of the road by hopping, using a cane, wheelchair or being carried by God.

How many people without arms have learned to drive, paint, write or other with their feet?  Technolgy has made it

easier for us now more than ever before in history.  What is stopping you from going forward?  What is stopping you from helping

your son, daughter, grandaughter, student, or patient?  Do you make excuses for them?  Do you let the stagnate?  High

expectations will help them reach their full potential.

My husband and I have gone head to head on these questions over and over.  I tend to be the pusher and my

husband the "Disney Dad."  That is all well and good if you have a child that can reach his full potential through learning

from others.  A special needs child or differently abled child needs even sterner goals and directions in my opinon.

My son is an only child.  There are no close relatives that can monitor his progress or look in on him once his parents are gone.  He will be on his

own once my husband and I die.  My son has shown me over and over he is capable. Go and get a copy of Wanda

Draper's book, "YOUR CHILD IS SMARTER THAN YOU THINK!"  She is an internationally know Child Development

Specialist.

Expectations are what you will get from your children.  My son can wash his clothes, vacuum, unload the

diswasher, or baically any household chore.  When it comes to mowing the yard or other chore that deals with a male

oriented task ( my husband interfered on me showing him); my son, Tanner, is at a lose as how to proceed.

Do you know why my son can do the things I mentioned above?  I showed him how to do them.  You can do this too.

Now I will insert the story of an 85 year old premie child that wasn't supposed to be according to her doctor's when

she was born and through a few life events.  My mother, Dorothy Mallo, was born early before the fullterm of a

pregnancy.  One way to give you an idea of how small she was is to tell you they used my grandfather's hankerchiefs for

diapers because nothing else seemed to fit.  Dorothy was born with a club foot and the growth in one leg had to be

stopped because one leg had stopped growing.

Dorothy had many surgeies at the Shriner's Hospital's.  This meant spending a year away from home.  Dorothy

often had to walk to school on crutches.  Did it ever occur to her or her family she was disabled and completely debilitated?

Apparently not!

Dorothy went on to graduate from high school and then on to Secretary College (which now I understand would be

the equivalent of an Associates Degree).  Dorothy continued to work, marry, have four children and do many things

that any normal person did.

How come these issues didn't beat her down?  What did Dorothy do that many others would not?  What is the

formula for keeping your disabilites from making you debilitated?

Could it be attitude?  Your family support system?  I feel these are part of the answer.  I also know it has to do

with the times.  I think society makes more excuses for people with disabilites and has lowered expectations.  They give

the lowest of jobs to these kids on Individual Educational Plans sometiimes; and on Employee Plans with Voccational Rehab plans.

Remember Dorothy the next time you let your disability hold you back.  My mom has never let her disabilities stop

her from doing anything she wanted to do in life.  I hold her up as an example to many.

Disability doesn't have to be debilitating.   Disability only means finding a different approach or way around life's curves.   One must find a way to get to the end of the road by hopping, using a cane, wheelchair or being carried by God.

How many people without arms have learned to drive, paint, write or other with their feet?  Technolgy has made it

easier for us now more than ever before in history.  What is stopping you from going forward?  What is stopping you from helping

your son, daughter, grandaughter, student, or patient?  Do you make excuses for them?  Do you let the stagnate?  High

expectations will help them reach their full potential.

My husband and I have gone head to head on these questions over and over.  I tend to be the pusher and my

husband the "Disney Dad."  That is all well and good if you have a child that can reach his full potential through learning

from others.  A special needs child or differently abled child needs even sterner goals and directions in my opinon.

My son is an only child.  There are no close relatives that can monitor his progress or look in on him once his parents are gone.  He will be on his

own once my husband and I die.  My son has shown me over and over he is capable. Go and get a copy of Wanda

Draper's book, "YOUR CHILD IS SMARTER THAN YOU THINK!"  She is an internationally know Child Development

Specialist.

Expectations are what you will get from your children.  My son can wash his clothes, vacuum, unload the

diswasher, or baically any household chore.  When it comes to mowing the yard or other chore that deals with a male

oriented task ( my husband interfered on me showing him); my son, Tanner, is at a lose as how to proceed.

Do you know why my son can do the things I mentioned above?  I showed him how to do them.  You can do this too.

Now I will insert the story of an 85 year old premie child that wasn't supposed to be according to her doctor's when

she was born and through a few life events.  My mother, Dorothy Mallo, was born early before the fullterm of a

pregnancy.  One way to give you an idea of how small she was is to tell you they used my grandfather's hankerchiefs for

diapers because nothing else seemed to fit.  Dorothy was born with a club foot and the growth in one leg had to be

stopped because one leg had stopped growing.

Dorothy had many surgeies at the Shriner's Hospital's.  This meant spending a year away from home.  Dorothy

often had to walk to school on crutches.  Did it ever occur to her or her family she was disabled and completely debilitated?

Apparently not!

Dorothy went on to graduate from high school and then on to Secretary College (which now I understand would be

the equivalent of an Associates Degree).  Dorothy continued to work, marry, have four children and do many things

that any normal person did.

How come these issues didn't beat her down?  What did Dorothy do that many others would not?  What is the

formula for keeping your disabilites from making you debilitated?

Could it be attitude?  Your family support system?  I feel these are part of the answer.  I also know it has to do

with the times.  I think society makes more excuses for people with disabilites and has lowered expectations.  They give

the lowest of jobs to these kids on Individual Educational Plans sometiimes; and on Employee Plans with Voccational Rehab plans.

Remember Dorothy the next time you let your disability hold you back.  My mom has never let her disabilities stop

her from doing anything she wanted to do in life.  I hold her up as an example to many.

*****This is the first appearance of this Blog Post in any medium. If you see it reposted....It was posted here @ Bloggy moms.com first.

Autism- No Simple Answer Says Sandra “But here goes my try!”

http://reframingresources.com/2013/10/08/part-ii-my-review-ten-commandments-for-interacting-with-kids-on-theautism-spectrum-and-related-commandments/

THOU SHALL NOT BE SO QUICK TO SCOLD ME.

Do not tell me that “I know what I did.” I do not. Tell me what my infraction was in

simple, concise manner. I want to please you, but I have difficulties inferring

meaning within a vague statement. For instance, do not say please clean up your

bedroom.Tell me Exactly what you want, such as “Please make your bed and pick up

your toys.”

THOU SHALL NOT COMPARE ME TO OTHERS.

Please remind me and note the talents I possess. This increases my confidence

and positive self worth. Learning disabled or not, we ALL have talents to contribute

within society. I need you to help me realize what mine is. Believe in me and I will

believe in myself.

THOU SHALL NOT EXCLUDE ME FROM ACTIVITIES.

Please do not mimic me, ignore me or bully me. Please invite me to play with you. It

hurts when I am excluded. I like to run and jump in the playground, and be invited to

birthday parties too. Grownups can help me make friends by encouraging other

children to play with me. I can be a loyal friend if you get to know me.

THOU SHALL GIVE ME CHOICES

I do not like being ordered about any more than the other children. Give me choices

so I know you value my capabilities and opinions. Make them simple and concise.

Present two options or so. I get confused when too many questions or directions are

given at one time due to my processing speed. For instance, ask me if I would like

to wear my blue sweater or green one, rather than asking which sweater I would like

to wear.

THOU SHALL NOT JUDGE ME BY MY DIAGNOSIS, BUT MY CHARACTER.

I am an individual, just like other children. As my son used to say, “Mom my name

is John (name changed for anonymity) not Aspergers.” A profound statement

would say. :-0)

As a mom that really tries. My therapist says, “I way over compensate for my son!”

(I will share his name but you must see or find it in my post “My get away if” @http://ollamok.com/2013/09/15/my-get-away-if-written-7-26-13-by-ollamok-2/)

Here are my personal ties to these thoughtful Commands of Mari Nosal’s.

I am guilty of this quite a lot. But then again my son has hidden his talents quite well.

Recently I discovered I was right about his reading level or understanding being

much higher. Yet, was until recent a provider put things in to a term or used concrete

adjectives that brought clarity to me. This provider said his anxiety will make him

function at ( I know many do not like these words but they exist and carry a meaning

that is clear. To be clear I hate the words myself because I see that those on the

spectrum are treated this way when they are often smarter than a person assessing

them. I have often been treated this way. I either get real mad or think they are

ignorant and go on. That is harder to do when it deals with a passion of helping

those in society that are the most vulnerable. If not for my son, I would go crawl into

a think tank organization and forget this stuff) M. R level. Because I know my son

and this has been proven again and again, I fail on this in many ways. I struggle with

this where my husband is much better. It is frustrating for my son I know. Why?

Because I have to stop people and slow them down. However, when I do slow

people down and they get I care; they tended to come back to me and forever or a

long time. I could say much more but this is all I will except be patient with these

blessings from God. It is hard mom’s and dad’s I know. I will have to be mindful of

this till the day I die.

I do this and then I don’t. When my son says my parents didn’t are he shouldn’t do something; I do lots of reminding. I tell him I don’t care what he wants to do. I only want to make sure he has a job doing something he likes that he can make enough money at it. I tell him I could spend time doing something else besides a lot of time in him. I told him I don’t because I love him. Parents that care and take parenting serious do this. I tell him God does this for all those he loves and parents do the same. He will say he can’t are those that have special needs more or less shouldn’t have to do this. I quote and make an example of his favorite person on Earth at this moment. His Grandma Mallo! By gracious! She is 85 with one leg shorter than the other and a Club Foot. Special Needs this and that programs? Where were they then? Well for one there was the Shriner’s Hospital’s! Besides that she had to do most things on her own with the grace and help of God. She worked her whole life. She sacrificed for her four children. This shuts up a child that wants to get by using his disability as a crutch. I am the hard one in the parent chain. My husband is the softy. Being on the same page or closer might be better. I try harder and pray about this often. I am thankful to a case manager of sorts Dr. Samuel Oliphant. Before my wreck I had little time to find things like the Oklahoma Autism Network and other. That is why I want to write and inform others. We are missing a complete audience of people still going it alone.

I would say I never excluded Tanner from an activity. If anything I drug him to too

many. Accepting that he isn’t as extroverted as me; by a person I will be grateful to

forever and still seek her guidance from OKAY pointed this out to me. I do not see

this in myself; I mean being outgoing. I can see that my husband is much closer to

Tanner in the social quietness section termed introvert by this person I owe so much.

I have to do more of letting Tanner be Tanner. He doesn’t have to do everything to

be more social. I know he needs to be but he doesn’t enjoy it so stepping back a

bit might be wise.

9. I try to do this with Tanner. But, as a parent, I have to see that I expose and push

him out of the nest. Giving him choices I do. I forget sometimes that he is a teen,

seventeen. He is capable of all that I say but I keep pushing on and on treating him

as if he a child. Then again, my mother still introduces me as her baby. Therefore,

it could be the natural order of things. Should I get down on myself too much or

continue to try to do better?

I wouldn’t say I judge people by their diagnosis at all. If anything I might over

explain them by their diagnosis. Guilty of doing this with my son. My son may

have perceived this or my spouse but I have never been ashamed of my son. I

have felt blessed by him. Tried by patience with him maybe more so because of a

diagnosis but not about him. I only looked for a diagnosis as a launching pad to

look for things to help and do for him or understanding to get ideas for helping.

Perfect I am not but I try. I hope this has been helpful. I love this book because it hits at the heart of help and core of parenthood. Honesty at the core.