Source: Fox News
Source: Fox News
A child with autism, a mother of age and life in general can be enough to mke one pause. Throw a car wreck in that leaves you disabled but able to do somethings without enough to go back to work; leaves you in a real pickle.
The general explantion of situation will be the hands of time. on the clock piece. I want yout to get the analogy of this Clockmaster situation.
I will have to go back to my childhood. Growing up I thought my parents were not the best. We were not the poorest and not the richest. All of us kids had to work. Our house was a little less than nice until our parents had the money to do it. My mother had to work to make ends meet. This doesn't say I never lacked for love or didn't love my parents.
My best friend was in the same boat. Sometimes embarressed to have friends over for having holes in the carpet. Let me make this clear; we were maybe lower middle class that grew into upper middle class. Our parents busted their backs and _______ to make sure we (my older sister and two older brothers) had it much easier than they did. Thus, we all learned the value of money and how to work for what extra's we wanted and needed.
Even though my parents were not rich they managed to take us on a vacation every summer. This meant seeing the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone and much much more. We camped and made sandwiches instead of hotels and restaurants. Our parents, George Tanner and Dorothy Louise Mallo even made games out of things. They spent plenty of time of which most was quality time.
Here is where it gets better. When we grew into the upper wealth classes, our parents gave us more. They bought us our first car, abiet used but we didn't care. They even bought gas and paid for insurance during the year. They had us groomed for college. Heck we never knew we had a choice of not going.
Looking back they taught us how to be parents. Did they make mistakes? A few. People are not perfect. However, I doubt you could find two people that tried harder to do their best at raising children. One thing my father told me that raising us was one of the parts of his life. I understand this now that I have a child. He confessed it was hard along with on of the scariest times in his life too.
My bothers and sisters were older than me. In some respects I was a bit like an only child. This may sound odd but my Dad actually bought me a HOT HOT ROD. The car was a 70 Torino. It had a 302 engine with a Holly 4 barrel, a racing kam, spagetti side pipes, Kreger Mags and much more. My brother came back from being in the Navy for a visit and couldn't believe it.
I asked my Dad why he bought this for me. He replied that this would give me something to talk to the boys about. He said I would be less likely to end up in the back seat or get pregnant. I thought about it thinking how sneaking wise my Dad had been. He did pretty well for a man that lost his Dad at age ten and mother at seventeen.
Now talk about mom. Boy did she have a few tricks up her sleeves. She told us that we could keep whatever money we found during cleanup chores. She left money around, about what we should earn for an allowance, directing age appropriate tasks to where the money had been placed. She knew how well we had cleaned by how much money was or wasn't left.
Now for curfew and resrtiction violations. My sister told me that when we had grown up trying to sneak in mom had placed three litter coke bottles in our path to wake her up so she could check the time. Then in the morning she would confront us about what time we came in and see if we told the truth. Mom had a few other tricks up her sleeve.
I am backing up but have to tell you of a travel came passed to us from my Aunt Gladys on the Mallo side. We called it Zip Zip. Basically, you played to get all the horses you could. If you saw a horse you said Zip. If you saw a group...Zip Zip before others got the group. A white horse counted as two. If you zipped a cow, donkey, pig or other animal you all your horses. To get all the other teams horses when you came to a cementary you called Slopsky. My dad had an unfair advantage as he had travled more and knew where the cementaries were.
Needless to say, being the youngest, I did plenty of wrong Zip Ziping. Being picked last in your own family is unpleasant. Mom and Dad came to my rescue often. Thus, parents feel the pain of all their children and act accordingly to sooth over it. Yet, there were plenty of times my parents made me suffer the pain of growing up. Why? To prepare me for the what was to come as an adult.
A funny story about the Zip Zip came and a legend in our family. I kept asking "Is that a horse. Is that a horse?" My Dad and Mom couldn't believe their eyes. Dad pulled over and sure enough it was a Mountain Lion chained to the bumper of a station wagon. That was in the sixties, about 65 or 66. The owner worked construction. All of kids got to pet it. That wouldn't happen in today's society. However, I wasn't the cause of loosing horses to the other team that day.
Are you getting the feel for family time spent together? My mom was the glue that held us together. My dad was a Seargeant and the hard driving force behind making us do. Mom was the soft approach. Both are needed to balance out the other. God blessing's come in two parent's in a family. One gets relief when worn out on the job and the children get a breather from the hard driving parent. Blessings come from God knowing what we need at each time and stage of life.
Okay, I blended some of the early 1 and 2 O'clock periods of life in the hands of time together. Please forgive me while I am trying to tell you all about how this goes together.
3 and 4 O'clock come after highschool during college while getting my BS in Pharmacy. Growing up occured quite a lot during this time. I worked every weekend and kept grades up. Graduation came and after a year I bought my own house. Dad was pro mom was con. During college my friends that didn't go to college got married. I had proposals but not out of real love. Dad kept me grounded and mom provided emotional support.
These periods helped me define my needs, wants and desires. I have to admit I lacked in setting boundaries. Please if you have this issue get some help or read some books on this situation before burn out and explode.
5 and 6 post college. Graduation was long waited for but never did I as many realize that college would be looked back on as one of the best times in life. God guides you all of your life and prepares you for each step to come. Even when you stray you learn.
Started dating husband or future at that time. We dated nine years before we married. It is about this time that my relationship with my mom started to breakdown a little. Mom was so noisy about what when where and how I was doing it seemed she never gave me a breather. There is more but it is petty. She didn't know she was doing this. You see she was still learning how to be a mother to an adult child. Never the less taking some communication classes never hurt.
This goes back to boundaries. You don't owe people explantions. Proverbs 29:11 KJV
11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
This goes against tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Thus, wisdom must be sought and learned. Reading the Bible and askng God for help is a great way. Here is where I owe my mom for exposing me to Christian teachings early in life.
7 O'clock. Marriage is an adjustment no matter what you think. Children even more. Then if you have a child with special needs, special abilities and is a blessing that teaches you many things. I thought I was prepared for a child. I was an older mom. We waited until we had been married over a year. We were money okay. Both of us were Christians. I don't want to go into all the challenges but just say it hit us hard in our marriage. Frustrations was at the base of the blame game. This took a hit on our marriage.
However, these things made us stronger. If you want to do yourself a favor, quit doubting your parenting so much. Mistakes will be made. As long as you try and earnestly want to do your best, ask God for help; I'm sure all is okay. Another big favor you can do is buy the book by Wanda Draper, "Your Child Is Smarter Than Think!" She reasures parents that they are fine and their children are not stupid. It helped me and I know God hooked me up with the information. Trust me I asked for her information at an appointment and I got her cell phone number. Wanda is an internationally known child developmental specialist. She writes on a level that all can understand but gives great common sense advise. Spectacular book.
I promise you I can't go into all the situations that rule out chance that God is acting in my life. He is the Clock Master of time in your life in mine. If you trust him he will guide you. He gave me the parents I needed and now I know he gave my son the two parents he needed and it is a blessing. My husband counters my harshness learned from being brought up military. I will not apoligize for being a pusher. My son wouldn't be this far along if I handn't pushed. However, Bill, my husband is a blessing of a counter weight to even out my rought edges.
8 O'clock. I panic about having my son prepared for life. He is an only child and being special needs; I don't want him lost after we his parents die. There is no real close relatives to be his guardian if needed. Therefore, I want him to be as functional as possible.
Well, my idea was to contact the historical socity and see if there was a fit for a volunteer position. I thought there would be less stress on social interaction on one side and then on giving tours more social interaction. Long story of how I thought it would fit but now know God directed. He will start out scanning and work up to digitization. Some have worked this into a job. They have worked with autistics before.
My son interviewd with one person, the head of volunteers, and then when the person came down man came down that my son would be working with or under; I overheard one tell the other my son "has appropriate conversation skills!" Made my day. I knew then that I need to refresh my relationship with God, The Clockmaster of time. God has a plan and reason for all that happens.
New King James Version (NKJV)
9 A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.
The rest of time is still going on. I hope you see how parents, mom's and dad's impact you on mothering on Mother's Day. Hoping you have gleaned some insight from my post that I have learned in life.
One thing I do not want you to do is pity me for having an autistic or special needs child. He has heaped too many blessings on my life to regret having him. He teaches me to enjoy life and relax. Better yet he has helped me to understand myself and enjoy life.
Happy Mother's day. Don't forget step parents when step should not be in the word of parent. A mother is not just one that gives birth. A mother is one that takes a child through life and the teachings of all steps of life. I prefer to say in the Christian manner but understand if you disagree. I will uphold your right to believe as you want. But, never forget the impact your parents have in your life and be grateful for it.
If you are the parent of a child with special needs are autism you will understand this story better than mosts.
Ever have a child on the spectrum have a melt down, normal need, or seemingly tantrum for no need drive you crazy? I don't mean where you were going to do bodily harm to a child. I mean where you felt you were a bad mother, worthless because you couldn't figure out how to help your child and more things like this.
I will give you one or two short examples.
My son is autistic, has Asperger's or High Functioning Autism. Labels only meant something for me as a jumping point to reasearch how to help him the best I could. Otherwise, I really do hate labels; except when filing insurance claims and then I want as many labels as I can think of.
Tanner, my son, had a three hour meltdonw at fifteen months. He cried, screamed and I think did some head banging if I am not mistaken on my recall. I did all the motherly things. I tried to hold and comfort him. Now I know routine is important to all kids but this goes beyond that.
I went outside to take a two minute deep breath. Most likely this was much shorter but helped me recompose myself. I was so out a lose as what to do for Tanner. I know he was miserable but everything I tried didn't work.
I need stories from mothers to put in my book. I don't just want my stories. I want major stories of meltdowns to help young mothers. Young couples have a rough time of it dealing with this. I am sure it strains realtionships. Help me help younger mothers, fathers and professionals by giving me your stories.
Get rich? My goal? Not really! It is going to cost me to get the book published. I am positive in my abilities but I may fail. I want to, once I have reached costs back and a specific point...trust me....I want to do this..reach a point where 50% of my profits are given to charity of autism, special needs and such charities.
Back to my story. Can you guess what he wanted? How it was resolved? Well, Tanner finally figued it out by himself. He went to the diswaher, at fifteen months, opened it and got his favorite cup out. Autistics love routine, rituals and odd behaviors.
Think how much we can give to younger parents! Give them a jump on the learning curve by sharing such stories. Have an idea for an autism book you think should be covered? Email me at email@example.com or post it on this facebook page www.facebook.com/Tell.It.Once.4Autism. Comment on my blog.
Let me interview you for my book. You have knowledge and expertise that is worth telling. Tell me so I can Tell It ONce and For Autism!
More examples will follow in other posts.
"Mop Monster," came out when Mom wanted to clean the floors but had a 7 year old, 6 year old, 4 but almost year old, and 1 almost 2 year old around to deal with under foot.
The couch became a magnificent ocean going Sailing Vessel we might call the "Mallo." It would have to put all the sails to the West or East. Then maybe to the North or South depending on the whim of the "Mop Monster."
The Mom Monster would occasionally rise up and step by step work its way up the "Mallo." The spirit behind the "Mop Monster" was rutheless and fun. It was out mother playing with us.
She, Dorothy Mallo, had to clean the house and get all those little feet to stay in one place at a time. This way by playing with them and thinking up the character of "Mop Monster," she accomplished house cleaning and play time all at once. Not bad for a mother of 4 to do all in one day.
I can't rememeber how many times the tangles of the "Mop Monster" scared us on to have some of the best times of our lives. Mom could think up many things like the "Mop Monster," to get what she needed done. But what was nicest of all was she found ways to do them while spending time with her family. That makes her an Ace among mom's of all generations.
I challenge moms every where to do better than "Mop Monster!"
Honoring my mother here will help you with some original parenting tips; I promise. Do you have an extremely difficult time getting your children from young ages to teens to do work around the house? Have to justify to the younger ones why the older one's get more money?
My mother's system is full prove. Mom gave us age appropriate tasks. Here comes the trick. Tell the kids, "Any money you find you can keep!" This system serves as a tracking and monitoring system. If your memory is lacking; write down where, how much money and the task assigned to each child. If all the money is gone, then the child should have cleaned well. You have to hide it good enough to get the results you want. Design the task so it is fair for the child's ability. We were motivated to do the chores for what ended up to be our allowance. Mom is quite an inventive lady.
Mom's of teens that are driving and have a curfewcurfew; want to know what time they come up but not sit up and wait on them? Are you a light sleeper or at least you can wake up if a pop bottle is kicked over?Tricky mom used to put out two to three litter bottles of cokes right in the walking pathway of coming in the door. You would have to kick them over in the dark. The noise would wake mom up so she could look at the clock and deal with you the next morning. You can bet she did deal with us if it was after curfew when we snuck in under cover of dark instead of on time turning the lights on.
Want a car game that everybody can play, even the driver? This game is obscure in origins. We grew up on it as we traveled all over the US and Canada. Zip-Zip is what we called it. The idea was to get as many horses as one could. If you said zip-zip,it was a group of horses and you were first then those horses were yours. A white horse counted as two. If you ziped a cow you lost all your horses. This may seem weird but wheever anybody saw a cementary the first to call out slppsky got everybody's horses. You can divide the teams into front seat and back seat or boy's against the girls. Better yet think of some way you want to divide teams your way. It is competitive and funny.
I was the youngest in the family. Often nobody wanted me to be on their team. You guessed it; I zipped a lot of cows being eager to win. One time I saw a mountain lion chained lying underneath a car. Learning my lessons, I screamed, "Is that horse? Is that a horse daddy?"
My dad couldn't believe his eyes. We stopped and talked with the owner. I even got to pet it that day. I have to admit that is a strange event. I had never seen a mountain lion but I didn't loose my horses that day
Did you like my "Hand Me Down Tips From My Mom?" I may make this an event giving more of her secrets. Then again I might want to keep her wisdom to myself. Lots of great stuff from my mom!
This can be seen on my blogs too but was posted here on Bloggy Mom's first!